Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Suggestions for Keeping Certain Relatives At a Distance


Copied directly from Fr. R's excellent blog, headline: 16 Ways to Maintain Your Insanity. Obviously, this could have other effects (some salutary, some....well, )

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "IN."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. dont use any punctuation

9 . As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

11. Sing Along At The Opera.

12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

14. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

15. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!!"

16. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go. "

One might add #17: Use a Lot of Capital Letters...


Billiam said...

I've seen that list before. Always brought a smile and laugh. Thanks for the chuckle!

Anonymous said...

I haven't ever seen it, but I am still chuckling after reading the list several times!

Scelata said...

You know, I've actually experienced the operatic sing-along.

It was at the Metropolitan Opera, of all places, and it was a revival of the not-too-often-presented Fanciulla del West, and when they go to the riff that Andrew Lloyd Webber had ripped off from Puccini and inserted in "Music of the Night" scores of people recognized it, and gradually began humming along.

(Save the Liturgy, Save the World!)