Yah, well, this shutdown stuff is really serious.
The alarm worked well enough, but it took near 10 minutes to collect my thoughts and remember how to put on pants, socks, and a shirt. There was no HHS to help, you see.
Carefully, and slowly, I went through the process of using the toilet. It took longer than usual, but eventually I recalled all the steps, including safe flushing.....or wait....is there "safe" flushing? No one from OSHA was there to tell me that answer. But it must have been safe! I'm still here!!
Inch by inch, I worked my way to the kitchen. I hesitated near the light-switch, but it came to me by and by that the switch goes "up" to turn the lights on. Damn, I miss having DOE telling me how to do that.
Selecting breakfast munchies was painstakingly slow. Skim or 2%? Half-and-half? (Is that still allowed?) Can I put sugar on that cereal, or is that un-wise....or is it the other cereal which mustn't be used with.....DRAT, where's Moochie when I need her?
For 17 years, I've had the Federal Highway folks helping me navigate to the office. They're not around today. Frankly, it took a lot longer without them--and it might have been even longer still if the Wisconsin State Patrol hadn't been around. I could just follow that gray Crown Vic commander's car all the way down the highway to the Waukesha District HQ--it was just fine!!
At the office, I used far more paper than usual, since the Paperwork Reduction folks couldn't take calls. Nearly offended all the women and minorities, too; I couldn't reach EEOC on the phone and their website was down. Took me 8 tries to equalize compensation schemes. All the women screeched at the first one, all the Hispanics at the second, yadayadaydada. How was I supposed to KNOW how to do this without a Comparable Worth Examiner nearby?
Skipped lunch entirely. Way too dangerous without Moochie's guidance.
It took quite a while to pack everything back into the car. Without the National Weather Service to tell me anything about the forecast, I had to bring the parka, the overshoes, the umbrella, a couple of sweaters, and the light jacket. Those homeless folks really do have it hard, I guess.
I was able to get back home without too much trouble--no traffic, ya'see, because nobody from the Gummint was clogging up the roads. That was a relief, doh. But watching the TV without the FCC's help was a real challenge.
It got dark, so back to bed. It's frightening in the dark with no NSA to watch over me.
Must this go on? Mom and Dad aren't here anymore, no Moochie, no help at all.
Now I know why all those Pilgrims died so young. It was just too stressful without the Gummint, hey.
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From the sound of it, you'll be in one of those assisted living facilities within a year or two. The friendly staff will help you with all those issues related to dementia.
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