Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Nuclear Winter in Waukesha County

Jim Dwyer, Chairman of the Politburo, awoke in time for the County Board meeting to sketch a few scenarios after reduction of the Board to 11 members:

"Most likely," he said, "the County's bureaucracy will run wild. If it were not for County Board members keeping close watch on those folks now, they'd be spending hundreds of millions annually on, uh, .....whatever...." Mr. Dwyer then fell asleep and cancelled the next County Board meeting for lack of agenda.

Sandra Wolff took up the list. "Full-time Professional Politicians would be raising $25 million every year just to print black-and-white mailbox stuffers for re-election. They'd hire dozens of full-time staffers. Some of those staffers would do nothing but read Dr. Suess books to the members."

Other Board members were unavailable for comment as Naptime rules specify 'no reporters allowed.' Some reporters were seen munching Board cookies and slurping Board milk, thinking that this was a Jim Doyle event.

Board members' spouses were exceptionally agitated over the proposed reforms. "If you think I want that useless lout hanging around the house full-time, you're nuts," said a spouse who insisted on anonymity. "When he is there, all he does is carp and b*&^ch about hitching the horse to the buggy to get to meetings on time. Then he calls both of his friends. Then he goes back to carping. You think I want to listen to that crap full-time?"

The Board promised that they would have more examples of disaster at their next meeting, now scheduled for May, when the frost is out of the ground.

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