This MAY Be True

Unlike Democrats and media (BIRM), we'll put it out front:  the following MAY be an accurate copy of a memo from Eric Holder to his clientele.

DATE: January 24, 2025

TO: Valued corporate clients

SUBJECT: White supremacy strikes back / recommended course of action

Many of you have contacted me with questions regarding President Trump's recent executive orders and the legal implications for the DEI policies I allegedly advised your companies to implement. While stipulating that these policies were enacted solely at the discretion of a corporate executive who may or may not have been acting on the advice of outside legal counsel, I strongly urge you consider taking the following steps to reduce your risk of federal prosecution:
 

...Shred and burn all documents bearing the name of "Eric H. Holder Jr." and the "Covington & Burling" law firm.

...Eliminate race-based personal leave policies that permit unlimited time off for "trauma," "self care," and "cat maternity."

...Cease race-based hiring practices that classify Asians, non-Latinx identifying Hispanics, and Native Americans who voted for Donald Trump as "privileged whites."

...Cease bulk purchases of the bestselling memoir, Our Unfinished March: The Violent Past and Imperiled Future of the Vote: A History, a Crisis, a Plan, by Eric H. Holder Jr.

...Cease all payments to Alfred C. Sharpton Jr. and the National Action Network for "strategic diversity consulting."

...Cease all contact with Hamas freedom fighters and their affiliated "Islamophobia consultants."

...Destroy any and all shrines or monuments to Ta-Nehisi Coates and Ibram X. Kendi.

...Cease all DEI-related incentive programs, such as awarding gift cards and extra vacation days to white employees who attend WNBA games or leave five-star Amazon reviews of the bestselling memoir, Our Unfinished March: The Violent Past and Imperiled Future of the Vote: A History, a Crisis, a Plan, by Eric H. Holder Jr.

... Cease all DEI-related employee monitoring regimes including but not limited to "gayness" rankings, financial audits (to assess support for Black-owned businesses), and "Hardship Olympics."    

...Deep clean, remove all signage, and conceal all self-flagellation devices from designated "Privilege Atonement" rooms.

...Cease all DEI-related team-building exercises including but not limited to "Evade Inequity" dodgeball tournaments, "Race War" cosplay fight clubs, and "White Slave Fridays."

...Hire a Jewish attorney.

...Flee the country.

Note: By reading this memo you have authorized Eric H. Holder Jr. and Covington & Burling LLP to charge your company for legal services rendered. Please wire the full amount ($21,595) to account GB54CITI18500808924309, Cayman National Bank.