Monday, July 23, 2007

The Crazies Have Taken Over in Milwaukee

In Mayor Tommy's city, where Lionel trains are objects of lust, what we really need is:

Bicycle Rentals??

Yup.

The city has applied to receive $752,000 in federal transportation funds to launch its own bicycle rental program, on a smaller scale, in 2009. The city's share of the $940,000 total price tag would be $188,000.

So people who pay the Federal tax on gasoline will be supporting Milwaukee. That's nice.

For that outlay, planners figure they could put 300 bikes at stations in the more-populated areas of Beer Town.

"More populated"?

The goal is to give people an alternative mode of transportation for short trips, and to reduce auto congestion and emissions.

"For some people, five or six blocks is too far to walk, and we do have pretty good parking availability in Milwaukee, so people drive," said Dave Schlabowske, the city's pedestrian and bicycle coordinator.

"If we have these bikes available, and these are very easy bikes to use, then the person who needs to go six blocks on their lunch hour, maybe down to the lakefront, has an alternative."

Ahhhhhhh.

Six blocks of bicycling through downtown, with your picnic-basket attached to the bike. Visions of Chagall's reveries-captured-on-canvas--

flowering trees,

birdsongs....

Lovers in the park, a jug of wine, a loaf of bread....

Really captures the imagination, until one recalls that from (roughly) October 1st through April 30th the City is subject to visits by:

Nor'easters
Blizzards
Panhandle Hooks
Canadian Clippers

and other violently unpleasant weather.

NOT TO MENTION that there's nothing so...attractive....as a good coating of salt on your suit, placed there by the spinning wheels of the bicycle as it bumps its way over the snow-and-ice formations on the City's streets.

This guy Schlablowske--has he been tested for all the usual stuff?

5 comments:

steveegg said...

I wonder whether they're going to take $15 for those rentals and put it toward the choo-choo that will transport air between Milwaukee and Kenosha. Of course, if they did, I'll wager that it won't be more than 3 figures that's collected.

Glenn D. Frankovis said...

I suggest a $600,000 feasibility study before we actually commit a million dollars for this program. (You just know that suggestion will make it to the liberal elite social circles.)

Dad29 said...

$600K. That's about, what? 40 cops?

Glenn D. Frankovis said...

It's probably just a little more than 2 Deputy Chiefs and 1 Assistant Chief + their fringe benefits. And from my experience, you'd get more from the study.

James Q said...

6 blocks is too far to walk? How fat and lazy are people?