Saturday, January 24, 2009

A National Treasure

Too bad GWB didn't give this guy a Medal of Freedom before he left the White Temple.

The Epic, altered, and utterly unrewarding to the scan-a-holic, but still holding up.

..."for I am Obamacles,Lord of Illinus, who single handedly conquered the LSATsand disarmed the Chicagomon. What task would you possibly fear me with?"

"You are to led the Demos back to the White Temple, by vanquishing Hildusa."

At the sound of Hildusa's name even brave Obamacles was driven to wet his toga,
For Hildusa, cuckolder of Bubba, was the mightiest of all the gorgons.
From her head grew a writhing nest of asps, and the mere sight of her cankles
Would turn a man to stone. Some said she came from Lesbos
But others said her only pleasure was torment and sucking the marrow from her victim's bones.
Around her at all times was a phalanx guard of mincing eunuchs,
led by Ickis, Wolfsonis, Blumenthalis and Pennis. At her side, an angry force
of menopausal PUMAs ready to strike on her command -- for the children

Believe it or not, the whole thing is just that good or better.

Another, sir?

Certainly:

...Hildusa was enraged for she thought them allies, and shot them the stink-eye.
"Destroy Obamacles!" she bellowed at her Eunuchs,
But they were retards and got busted for DUI on the chariot ride over.
Then Obamacles shot the arrow of Iowa across abyss of Dukakis,
striking Hildusa true in her cankles, no more to freeze men to stone,
And all of Demos roared approval.

"Citizens of Demos," screamed the hobbled gorgon, "fair Obamacles is not what he appears! Look, behind him! A phalanx of Chicagomon, the demons from the pits of Illinus!"
When the Demos people saw the Chicagomon they shrugged,

but Obamacles was taking no chances for the general battle;
He had no more further use for the Chicagomon and thus he summoned
Underbus, the destroyer of memes. One by one he disposed them,The Jeremiad and Phlegeron and Ayres, all sacrificed to Underbus.
When Hildusa saw this her eyes boiled with rage,
and she summoned her Amazon Pumas
But they were too fat and old and employed
to battle the snarky college assholes in official Obamacles tunics.

HT: Esenberg, who should tell Fr. JDLaurance to translate this to Greek. Then maybe the damn thing will scan into hexameter.

1 comment:

Deekaman said...

That is exceptional work.