Beagle's Things--Caninity in Hymnody

From the irrepressible Christus Vincit, the first draft of a certain hymn-text:

You who dwell in the kennel of the Lord
with your Alpo and Kibbles and Bits;
Sometimes it's Eukanuba;
sometimes it's Gravy Train.

(Refrain)And he shall speak to you of beagle's things,
rubber toys and chewy things;
Make you to sit in his lap
and pat you on the top of your head.

His collar, his wormer, his visit to the vet;
I want to take care of my pet.
When we come back from "walkies",
he'll get his doggie treat.

(to refrain)

The barking, the baying, the howling at the moon;
I hope that he stops it real soon.
It can be most annoying
when he's out of control.

(to refrain)