Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Code and De-Coding

Stolen from The Ox Files:

Earlier today the Cardinal Newman Society announced that they had been able to capture an Enigma Machine form a dissenting Catholic group.

The Enigma machine, used by dissenting groups to code their communiqu├ęs and public statements, is commonly known as the D-Enigma.

A spokesman for the Cardinal Newman Society would not comment on exactly how his group came into possession of the machine, but it is understood that a dissenting group may have accidentally left the machine in a Diocesan Centre after one of their weekly meetings. [Ed: Perhaps in the rectory at St. John's Cathedral of Milwaukee--or of St. Sebastian's???]

The D-Enigma machine is almost identical to the famous Enigma machine used by the Germans during World War II and it is being used by dissenting groups to encode and decode their public statements about the Church and theology.

A basic dissenting message or teaching is typed up using the D-Enigma machine, which encodes the original message. When an encoded message is typed into the D-Enigma machine it is decoded to supply a copy of the original message content.

Some examples of actual messages that have been coded and decoded by the Cardinal Newman Society using the D-Enigma machine are…

Original coded Message:“The Church needs to focus on addressing issues of injustice”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“We want married, gay, and women priests”

Original coded Message:“We need a pastoral plan that focuses on the horizontal, as well as the vertical aspects of faith”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“We need to stop talking about divinity and salvation, and start focusing on feelings and hosting more wine and cheese evenings in the parish”

Original coded Message:“It’s a conscience issue”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“Whatever you do, don’t listen to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church!”

Original coded Message:“We are Church”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“We are Catholics who really want to be liberal Anglicans.”

Original coded Message:“That’s not my model of Church”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“I don’t like obeying the teachings of the Holy Spirit given through the Magisterium of the Catholic Church, so I’m going to make myself into my own personal Magisterium.”

Original coded Message:“God is found in the sacrament of the ordinary”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“I don’t believe in the divine, unless it’s new age”

Original coded Message:“The Church hierarchy needs to listen more to the stories of its people”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“We need to have more wine and cheese evenings to talk about our feelings and all the Church teachings we don’t like.”

Original coded Message:“The Church hierarchy are obsessed with sex and genital issues”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine:“I hate Humane Vitae, Evangelium Vitae, and Theology of the Body.”

Original coded Message:“The Church is not adhering to the Spirit of Vatican II”

Same message after decoding by the D-Enigma machine: “The actual documents of Vatican II don’t support my position so I’m going to appeal to something intangible like the feelings and emotions of dissenters who went to Vatican II and then later misrepresented it in the public arena.”

Original coded Message: "The Liturgy of today was prepared by Ms. X"

Same message after decoding: Who needs the GIRM/IG or a Missal? We have our own unique dance, our own unique Parish Band, and several copies of Robert Frost's works!

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