Clinton Statistics

Someone has discovered a statistic about the Clintons.

According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide.

“We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told reporters. “Interestingly, in spite of their increased suicide risk, people with dirt on the Clintons rarely show any warning signs of suicide, and they never leave a suicide note.”...

Many of these suicides have been unique.  Some victims were apparently run over by their own cars while in the middle of an intersection in out-of-the-way places in Arkansas.  Others committed suicide with a .45 caliber hole made vertically in the very top of their heads while flying in a cargo plane.  Others shot themselves, but the gun could not be found anywhere.  (Some of these people had shot themselves in the back!)

'Tis a puzzlement.