Saturday, September 05, 2009

Could This Be Capper's Ghost-Writer?


These, as is now obvious, are the real enemies of conservatism. Is it really necessary that I once again recite their roster? The Limbaughs, the Becks, the Levins, the entire bloviating panoply of talk radio baboons peddling their toxic brew of anti-government sedition and foot unguents to hordes of slackjawed exurban megachurch McMansionites. The Jindals and Perrys, crypto-secessionist boondock Babbits who rudely decline Mr. Obama's gracious offers of federal largesse. I suppose it is some comfort that we no longer must count the execrable la Palin in their ranks, as her resignation and exile afforded right-thinkers of the nation a brief moment of rational exuberance. But it appears that the ever-fertile Napoleon of Nome intends some sort of coup from her Facebook Elba, attempting to rile up the online lumpenproles with hysteric tales of "death panels" and "tax increases." One is tempted to dismiss it all as some sort of elaborate hoax, but their grunted entreaties have somehow found support among the nation's more dimwitted burghers. What began with the unsightly "Tea Party" idiocy of Spring has metastasized into the full blown dementia on display by health care protesters, filling America's high school auditoriums with simian hoots of insolence directed at the very congressional representives on whose noblesse oblige they depend.

You KNOW that's how he wishes he could write.

And you KNOW this is where he'd like to have been:

The President was there to greet us, looking as elegant as ever, although it appeared his unfortunate smoking habit has increased in intensity. At his side was Mr. Emanuel, his brilliantly ambitious Chief of Staff, whose effortless grace and shiftily dancing pupils tell of his time as a classically trained terpsichorean. Soon joining us were David Axlerod and the Vice President, apparently in the grips of one of his occasional sunstrokes. We were also joined by the dashing Mr. Van Jones who has done such a yeoman's job as national Green Jobs Czar in organizing a boycott against the insipid TV harlequin Glenn Beck. Beck, as is now reported, is lamely attempting to retaliate by blithering about Mr. Jones' past dalliances with the Communist Party and the Black Panthers, as if those bore the slightest relevance to his job as a presidential advisor. For God's sake, our own family driver Evgeny is a former member of the Politburo, but it doesn't mean he can't parallel park a 26-foot Daimler town car.

Nahhhh. Capper's in his UpNort' paradise, not at Martha's.

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