Trump Did EVERYTHING! That's the Charge!!

Not that this was pre-written, or anything.

Fifty-five pages of bullshit egregious offenses including but not limited to Treason, Bribery, Obstruction, Mis-Matched socks, Public Burping, Purchase of Fast Food, Dissing Queen Nancy, Mansplaining, Manspreading, Butt-scratching (both privately AND publicly), Teetotaling, and General Chicanery Otherwise Disallowed.

It's possible that the Senate will convict him on that Teetotaling charge, of course.