Sunday, February 03, 2008

For Ladies About-to-be-Married

Don't know the original author (allegedly a parish priest), but (believe me) this has the ring of authenticity.


1. When you call up to schedule your wedding, don't act all indignant when I ask who the hell you are, since you haven't been to church since your first communion.

2. And don't get in a little nuptial huff when I tell you can't throw rice, birdseed, confetti or any of that crap. Would you want to have to clean up a big mess of that junk from your house every Saturday afternoon? I didn't think so.

3. And do that damn paperwork, get all your certificates in. You'll be really glad you did should the day come when you have to get un-married.

4. Please get some control over your mothers. Your own outrageous demands are bad enough.

5. Have some pity on your poor priest, who has to put up with your ruse that you don't live together, your rude tardiness to your rehearsal, your showing up half-drunk, and the tasteless fashion decisions you make for your wedding party. ["Tasteless" is hardly the right word. Demi-pornographic is often the style.]

6. Oh, and if your forget to get a marriage license, it's not my problem. It's your marriage. Thank you for your attention, and God bless.

One could add another group of items regarding the "music" selections....


John Foust said...

And who's been drumming it into their heads that they need to get married in a church?

Dad29 said...

Not I.

They have the choice to get married anywhere they want, if they're from my family.

Of course, I don't have to ATTEND a wedding anyplace, do I?

John Foust said...

That's the spirit, Dad - a little passive-aggressive display will show them who's Boss! :-)