Saturday, December 02, 2006

Driving in Winter; Weather Service Twits; 4x4 F*&^heads

Yesterday morning we left town about 6:45 bound for Madistan to assist in a moving project. The 1-hour drive (at a cruise-controlled 74 MPH) became a 2.75-hour drive. No cruise control.

Generally, there was one cleared lane on the I-road--the other lane was kinda-maybe-sorta close to being clear. Lane-marker paint was visible about 10% of the time.

Had the radio on, largely for road-information.

When they broadcast the National Weather Service' warning that "if you drive are taking your life in your own hands..." (Yes, that's what they said. Heard it twice), I was appalled. What sort of wet-pants-twit-drooler comes up with that language? I mean, no S**&^ it's dangerous. But 12" of snow "life-threatening?" Puh-leeeeze.

Hey, weather-twit: get a real life. Read up on actual real winters, like they had in Wisconsin in the late 1940's through the mid 1960's. Get stationed in Hurley, or Boise, or Alaska (or Mt. Washington.) Eat some red meat for breakfast once in a while. Drink whiskey out of the bottle. You know--manhood stuff.

Back to the journey.

When you can't regularly see the lane-paint markers and you're in blizzard-conditions, there's a certain restraint which takes over--especially when you're on I-road where the shoulder quickly gives way to a sharp-sloping ditch on either side of the road.

One tries to drive at a speed that allows stopping before piling into whatever's dead-stopped directly in front of you.

Unless, of course, you have a 4x4. The 4x4F*&^head knows that 4x4 allows them to stop twice as fast as 4x2 vehicles. (See "4" is twice "2". They learned that in 10th grade...) So they proceed merrily down the I-road at 10-15 MPH faster than other traffic.

Of course, they can't quite see the lane markers--so when they think they've gotten a little too close to the left-hand shoulder, they simply pull to the right. It's their Constitutional Right to push the driver in the right-lane off the friggin' road, ain'a? I mean, these dumb bastards paid an extra $10K for 4x4 driving, so they must have more rights, right?

A little info. I've driven 4x4's from Jeep Universals to F-350-class, with and without chains and plows. I've driven them to plow snow and tow cars out of ditches. These dipsos-with-inferior-sex-lives who buy 4x4's to become real men are in for a few nasty surprises:

4x4's cost a lot more to buy; and
4x4's cost a real lot more to fix, and
4x4 front-wheel gears, transfer-cases, and front u-joints are very touchy, especially when you put the 4x4 into a ditch at high speed.

Most important, 4x4's don't buy all that much in traction or mobility unless you put chains or several hundred pounds of weight on/over the rear tires and a big pile of weight on the front.


Saw 2 of the 4x4 'real men' in the median of the I-road later on. Didn't seem to be moving. We were.


Disgruntled Car Salesman said...

4x4 drivers typically don't understand the physics of 4 wheels on ice either. In other words, if all four are on ice, you still ain't going nowhere.

BTW, as much as I hate freezing my ass off in the snow for six hours removing, plowing, raking off cars, salting, etc. I STILL hate moving more. Glad I was here.

Dad29 said...

It wasn't too bad--it was planned very well. All we had to do was walk into the house with stuff either from the garage or from the moving truck. No driving back-and-forth.

But it was very tiring especially after a fairly white-knuckle drive for 2/3rds of the distance.