Thursday, September 14, 2006

Barrett In Shootout--a Tale of the Old West

Ol' Tom Barrett pulled up his horse, tied her to the post, and swung down from his saddle, landing in a mud puddle on North Water Street. Barrett, the Leader of the notorious Milk-Carton Gang, had just returned from Washington DC, a favorite haunt.

He'd been mixin' withhis pals out there, lobbyists and Democrats, and by reports, he was blind drunk. Some say was SO blind that he could not see "a crisis" in the City of Milwaukee following a gang-rape, a drive-by shooting of a 13-year-old honor student, and the coldblooded murder of a Special Olympian--all in the space of three days.

From 600 miles away, it was hard for Milk-Carton Tom to see that crisis.

Surveying his fiefdom after getting off his horse, Mayor Tom noticed that Nan hadn't come out to help him get the horse to the stable. She'd been a little disgruntled lately, muttering 'crisis' to herself and the press--Mayor Tom thought she was mourning the loss of that alligator-guy. She could have been saying "crikey." But it was hard to hear her--Mayor Tom hadn't been in town much lately. He'd track her down at Eagan's Long Branch right after work; maybe they could work it out. He knew what he DIDN'T want to hear from her--the word "crisis."

He carefully stepped around the election pamphlet trash near the hitchin-post. Didn't seem to be any overflows of sewage while he was Out East, but there was a lot of election trash around. One here for a MacMac--crazy babe. Another for the Governor--"Dodgy" Jim Doyle. He knew Dodgy. Dodgy cheated at poker. Got away with it, too--so far.

He spit a bit of milk and strode up to his office. Clearing the cobwebs and dust from his desk, Mayor Tom saw that his old enemy "Two-Gun" Sensenbrenner, the leader of the West Suburban Gang, was up to no good. For years, Mayor Tom knew that the West Suburban gang was trouble. Mayor Tom's predecessor, "One-Eye" Maier darn near mowed 'em all down back in the '60's; but Two-Gun had survived and the West Suburban gang had been growing.

Now Two-Gun had stepped over the line. He was helping the NRA. Some of Milk-Carton's friends had experience with the NRA--just last week, "Switch" Bloomberg had been slammed into a courtroom wall by NRA and their New Jersey gun-pals. Cost "Switch" some money, too.

Mayor Tom didn't know anyone who belonged to NRA. Where he grew up, in Whitefish Bay, they didn't approve of people like that. Those NRA types were all in the West Suburban gang. This would be a rough fight.

Mayor Tom called his pals at "No Defense for YOUR Family" out East. He thought about it as the call went through--maybe it was just coincidence that Whitefish Bay was East, too---like Shorewood, where his pal "Doc"Hargarten came from.

Mayor Tom knew what he had to do. He had to make "Two Gun" look "Texas" George and his pal "Hal" Cheney. Pure evil. They were notorious--and they owned guns--just like that NRA gang.

The connection to "No Defense" was bad, but Milk Carton got the main points--Two Gun would make it impossible for Nan to find the bad guys. The damn fool!! Two Gun hung up and called the paper. Thank God the paper was run by East suburb guys and gals.

They printed exactly what Milk Carton told them. Didn't print all that stuff about the Second Amendment, which was fine. Didn't print the part about his pal, Switch, getting his ass kicked out of the Federal Courts. He'd buy 'em a drink at Eagan's Long Branch later.

He also called his high-school buddy, "Silent" Chisholm. Got him to talk to the paper, too. "Silent" knew what he had to do to get anywhere in Milk Carton's town.

(To be Continued...)

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