Sunday, June 03, 2007

Smart-Aleck Symphony Conductor Remarks

These are alleged to have come from the lips of a New Hampshire conductor:

Play in a kind of Friday-matinee style.

Look artistic when you play that.

Try to simulate non-sight-reading.

Please don't use the depth-charge pizzicato.

There is a lot of fishing for notes. I wish you would catch them.

Play as if you were musicians.

Look busy at the beginning

Violas, let your true piggish sides come out.

Let's see if you can pizzicato together in a non-banjo way.

That was a drive-by viola solo.

The place where you will be shot if you come in early is the bar before 26.

Pretend you took the parts home and practiced them.

Play like you've had expensive lessons

Don't think for one second that conductors don't say stuff like that, by the way...

HT: ChristusVincit

1 comment:

Glenn D. Frankovis said...

"Play as if you were musicians."

I like this one. It reminds me of a Sergeant I used to work with years ago. When he encountered a police officer who seemed to be in the wrong profession, he used to begin his counseling session with the officer by saying, "Let's start out easy. Here's the scenario. Now pretend that you're a police officer. What would you do?"