Even the Criminals Are Snowflakes

These poor, poor, fellows!  Doing the crime, but they just can't do the time.  It hurts their psyche!

..."He was so frustrated saying that they keep locking them down, they just bring their food to their room, he's not able to call anyone. They have to stay in their cells, they can't come out," said May.
We're told the inmates claims of constant confinement as affecting their psyche.

"He's overwhelmed," said May. "He was frustrated; he actually told me he wanted to kill himself."....

There's an explanation for this ludicrous "reporting":  Ted Perry and his chipmunks have a hard-on for David Clarke.  So in The World of Teddy, making a prisoner stay in confinement while IN JAIL is a crime against the Special Criminal Snowflake.  Therefore, you see, Clarke is the criminal.

But that animosity to Clarke is splashing over to the Milwaukee cop-shop, too.  Here we have a news story which is clearly from another galaxy:  

Investigators are looking into a police shooting that occurred near 19th and Stark Thursday, March 16th. The man shot and killed by officers has been identified as 32-year-old Jermaine Claybrooks.

Claybrooks' mom has something to say!

..."The police is doing it to cover up their actions. He was not a monster. Yeah, he was a drug dealer but if you check his record he has no violent crimes," said Joan McCants, Jermaine Claybrooks mother....

Oh.  I see.

Shooting at the cops might be considered "violent," but not in a world inhabited by Channel 6.

..."As he was attempting to break the passenger window, the other officer from the driver's side were approaching and somebody hollered out 'gun.' Once somebody hollered out gun, all the other officers retreated backwards. Then you heard a small two pops, a pop and a pop," said Boyd...."Then it sounded like machine gun fire hitting the car. They lit that car up," said Boyd....

Yes, the investigation is just beginning, and it could turn out that the cops just shot up the car (and the really nice young fellow DinDoNuffin) just for target practice.  Uh-huh.