Found in the Althouse combox.
I got up and flew at the little yard troll, who was sitting there stupidly in his black robe, with the speed and fury of a valkyrie wearing a metal bra with impossible leather straps that tie in the back and riding a white horse that can fly, and slammed my stomach directly into his clenched fist. And then I deftly punched my face directly onto his whimperingly defensive other fist. His pathetic mewls sounded through the chamber as I then tore my eyes across his clawed sharpened fingernails, and caused my entangling hair to ensnarl his helpless womanly hands as a hopelessly bound prisoner, tugging on them tormentingly so that his arms nearly left their sockets, then finally releasing his hands and before he could regain his senses I threw my strong long sensually stretched neck directly into his pathetically grasping hands forcing them closed and then twisted my body and collapsed my knees so that his arm then became hopelessly wrapped around my pillar-like neck as a weak defeated python wraps a hare, whereupon I held my breath until my eyes rolled back and he sheepishly submitted. Then I came here and gallantly provided my report describing his insane unreasonable aggression which is proof of his disqualifying unfitness for office.
Written in only one breath, I understand.
...continued...
ReplyDeleteI, SuperBradley, then could not believe how fast my Depends diapers were filling. I reared about and was forced to plant my "fececial" ass on his lucious lap. My head was drawn inconceivably to his and our lips touched...rape, I cry! No one alludes I'm "hard up" and gets away with it! The next thing I knew, he had me above his head and was twirling me 'round like a baton. I quickly noticed the other justices setting up the mats and ropes and I thought he was going to throw me over the top rope, ala, The Crusher, Baron von Raschke, or James "Jumping Jim" Brunzell with his partner Greg Gagne...all with Bobby Heenan looking on...
I screamed, "O.J. Simpson WAS innocent" and, "abortion IS right" and freed myself from his grip. Quickly I committed a takedown (2 points) on the little weasel and would him up in a pretzel like vice, screaming all the while to "collective bargain this". However, he freed himself with a quick reversal (1 point) and proceeded to mount to the third rope. The next thing I knew, The Claw had descended upon my face and I was down...being counted out. As I rose to his fist high in the air, held there by referee Walker in victory, someone held up a hand mirror and I couldn't help noticing The Claw had committed improvement upon my face...now it will just stop large semi-trucks and not derail whole trains.
I have been contacted by The Depends people to do commercials...I think I'll do it. It'll help defray my liabilities to Bob Hartley...I need to get in touch with my feelings.
Now to the expense report...ripped robe, $3,000.00, whole box of Depends in lieu of losing utilitarian value of one, $378.00, overtime...oh, this will take a while...yes, yes, a while...
How mighty Christian of both Dad29 and Hoffa for the commentary.
ReplyDeleteAnd screw you too, Anony HolyPicture.
ReplyDeleteTesty, aren't we, Mr. Holy Roller. You preach the Gospel all of the time--I refer to your "End Of The Founder's America" entry--but this post shows that you are unwilling to following its tenets, as it would appear you agree with his/her sentiments.
ReplyDelete