10 Manliest Firearms

Well, it's opinion, you know, and everyone has a few...

The essay contains a lot of wry humor; I'll excerpt a bit, but you'll have to mine it yourself for the rest.

This was a hard piece to write, because guns by definition are manly, except for Berettas, gold-plated TEC9s, .25 caliber pistols or anything made by the French. To simplify things, I have limited it to modern cartridge firearms a man might, can, and should collect and shoot. There are certainly other manly weapons, and you may have a different list. As long as the list contains nothing French, gold-plated, .25 or with pearl grips (which Patton correctly observed are the mark of a New Orleans pimp), it is a good list.

Yup.

He goes on:

#8: GLOCK

The GLOCK is feared by liberals. It's called "plastic" and "ceramic" and "capable of going through airport metal detectors." If this were true, it would be the coolest gun on Earth. But these things are total lies, and serve to point out that liberals are not men, and have no honor

Yah, we knew that, too...

His opinions are not necessarily shared by all:

However, the only acceptable caliber for a man to carry is .45 ACP. 10mm is good but hard to find, .40S&W is a wussified 10mm that the FBI created when it found out its agents weren't manly enough for 10mm, .357 Sig is excellent but hard to find, .45 GAP is new and untested, .380 is only acceptable as a backup caliber, and no man would be found dead with a 9mm. Actually, a man knows he WOULD be found dead with a 9mm, because a 9mm is a .45 set on stun, and real men do not believe in stun.

(Actually, real men know how to aim. A .36" hole in someone's head is just as effective as a .45" hole in someone's head, and usually less messy.)

By and by, he gets to the #1 Manliest Firearm.

#1:

Barrett M82 .50 caliber rifle

Ronnie Barrett is a true modern Viking. He hunts big game. He plays with guns. One day in the late 70s, he thought to himself, "Wouldn't it be cool if there was a RIFLE that fired the same .50 BMG cartridge as Saint John Browning's Heavy Machine Gun?" So he built it. That's manly.When the metrosexual Kalifornia wusses were wetting their pants over "assault rifles," he got dragged into the argument. You see, Ronnie sells many weapons to police departments, for use in stopping bad guys, so they claim. By "bad" guy they sometimes mean tattooed gangbanger. They also sometimes mean balding, pony-tailed, pot-smoking hippie, though. After all, this IS Cretinfornia

...They had a ban on "assault weapons" (An "assault weapon" is a semantically null political term that means "It can be used to hurt people." As the REAL commies in Russia, who were men descended from Vikings (at least the ones in charge) would note, "Of course hurts people. Is weapon." You may as well refer to your "house home." The wussy definition of "Assault weapon" bears no resemblance to the US military's definition. It comes down to, "It's black and makes us poopoo in our panties!"

(That IS an accurate description of the Congressional AWB definition, by the way.)

California banned the M-82; its citizens may not purchase that weapon. But that's not the end of the story.

A few weeks later, LA SWAT sent one of these rifles [an M-82] that they use for shooting fleeing mopeds back to Barrett for maintenance…and Ronnie sent it right back to them, untouched, contract cancelled, with polite instructions to stick it somewhere dark and smelly and ride it straight to hell. Not only that, he publicly and proudly announces in all his advertising that he WILL NOT sell to or deal with ANY government entity in communist third world Kali

As it turns out, California couldn't pay for the services, anyway. Ron's better off...

The essay includes some very interesting bio material on Clint Eastwood in its S&W 29 section (#5 on the list), and a whole lot of rollickin'readin' along the way.

HT: Moonbattery