More Pilot/Mechanic Repartee

Humor in brevity, folks.

Pilots complain about various problems with the plane; mechanics respond. All on a log-sheet.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Stolen from Fr. Z.